It is a standard rule in our home that when a person is wronged in some way by another person, the first person must not lash out in revenge and anger for the wrong done them.
Example: child x stings tongue out at child y and calls a name. Child y is not permitted to lose his/her cool and push, shove, squeeze, kick, yell, or harm child x’s property as a means of getting back for that sticking out tongue.
We try to point out how really silly a stuck out tongue is and if a child decides their feelings have been ruined by this action… well they need to just get over it and try being silly too.
Example: child b trips child a (on purpose? accident?). Child a must not lose his/her cool and push, shove, squeeze, kick, yell, or harm child b’s property as a means of getting back for that trip.
We point out whether intentional or not, harming child b does not ever fix the problem. It creates a snowball effect in which they just go to full blazed war with one another. Because they got tripped!
Over all, the rules are simple. Don’t “commit revenge” find a different way to deal with the situation. Going zero to ticked off in addition to violence is just not healthy. However, when everyone is playing and being wild & crazy then wild and crazy things will surely happen to you. So! No crying when that wild or crazy thing happens, and no revenge.
It’s a fairly decent concept that has worked pretty well. We aren’t raising kids who won’t stand up for themselves. We are raising kids to not take to harming a person’s body or property because of a wrong that was intentionally or accidentally committed against them.
Well, I have noticed a loop hole in this ideology. I have seen children do something to ruffle other children’s feathers, intentionally, and then driving those children into a heated frenzy that causes them to “commit revenge.”
Naturally the antagonizer is innocent though. After all, they haven’t committed revenge.
It’s the ultimate win, really! They are working the system. Wreaking havoc and not having to take a lick of responsibility or accountability from their siblings because Thou Shalt Not Harm For Harm. Thou Shalt Not “Do Revenge.”
“Oh, oops, I grabbed your toy from your hand. Hey! You can’t do revenge!”
In other news: Karolina loves doing everything the boys do. No matter how rediculous, naughty, or silly. If they are, she is too.