I didn’t get the response I was hoping for, in reality I hardly got anything at all! However, the few comments and private reachings out to me about my new blog endeavors about diabetes, pregnancy, and motherhood that I did receive has pushed me in a decision to do it. It’ll be a while before I get things going because I have some plotting and planning to do, so I will keep you posted!
I am 9ish weeks away from delivery. The kids asked me earlier this week if I’d be happy the baby came now, but after my initial thoughts of “YES!!!” I decided that I would much prefer staying pregnant in order to avoid living in the hospital as baby got stronger and bigger to come home after an early birth.
The way the baby responds to certain things reminds me more and more of my pregnancy with Phillip. I’m not going to lie: the thought sort of terrifies me. He is such a good kid now, but my goodness was he an awful baby. I don’t think I can handle a round two right now! Your will be done, Lord, not mine….but, PLEASE! ;)
I was touching base with one of my cousins-in-law who is due any minute with her 7th. We were talking about pregnancy and motherhood and how it has been going in our 7th go-around, in our 30’s vs our 20’s, etc. Pregnancy is definitely not as easy as it was, and like she said, you’d think after so many that these kids would just fall out already! Motherhood is not for the faint of heart; I no longer wonder at how many saints are mothers. Having frequent conversations with my friends about what they’re experiencing really helps me in a moral support kind of way, but it also helps me decipher what I am feeling physically to determine what is “normal” and what is most likely “diabetic related”.
At the end of the day, though, I am grateful for God’s blessings that come in forms of loving whispers as well as painful smacks of a stick*. Even though I can’t fathom why He has intended the path of our Christian lives to be difficult; up a straight, narrow, rocky path; camels passing through eyes of a needle; He reminds us over and over again in the Old and New Testament that it is going to be a struggle to get to Him in Heaven. But, just as many times, if not more, He reminds us to trust Him; to be not afraid; His burden is [actually] light; He doesn’t ask of us what He hasn’t already endured.
My goodness that is so freakin’ powerful! And, scary. But, if I could guess, I would guess God’s intentions are possibly one of two things. Or both. Or more. Or not.
The first is: Maybe God wants our longing for Him in Heaven to be the only thing we hold on to at the end of the day. All of this: our spouses, kids, home, life, can be gone tomorrow! But, we still have our promise of Him and His magnificent, eternal love. I read in a book about Purgatory last year that there are countless souls who have served their final cleansing of their sins, but still aren’t permitted into Heaven because their love for God isn’t perfect or pure or strong enough yet. (side note: Could you imagine?????)
And, second: Maybe God wants us to use our struggles to help the salvation of souls who have nobody to pray for them. We often pray for our immediate family, close friends, and family & friends that pop up in need of a prayer for one intention or another. But, what about the souls who are searching but have, or think they have, nowhere to turn? The lonely. The forgotten. The lost and rebellious. Maybe God wants us to remember to pray for more than our “circle”. We all have free will to choose God, or not, but prayer is never a wasted endeavor.
I am faced with so much being a mom to seven, completely unique little persons, “doing” pregnancy, being a helpful and loving wife to the most selfless husband, and diabetes. My heart is stretched and pulled, and my mind wonders and questions. There is so much that simply requires faith, and taking one step at a time, one day at a time. But, the thing that comes most natural to me is my relationship with Lowell. I use that as a building block for all the other things I am faced with. It is easiest to see, know, love and serve God via my marriage than anywhere else. Having Lowell as my life partner strengthens my love for God and in turn truly helps me with all other points in life. It is so true when you hear that your relationship with your spouse is first and most important and everything else will fall into it’s proper place and order.
What say you, blogosphere? Any interesting thoughts on these ramblings of a pregnant mom?
*Thanks for the analogy, Bug!